


The Heart of Christmas

by elless



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Buck's parents are homophobic assholes, Eddie's aren't much better, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Maddie is an amazing big sister, Not Beta Read, Slow Burn, idiots falling in love, seriously it's the slowest of slow burns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:02:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28247340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elless/pseuds/elless
Summary: After coming out to his parents doesn’t go well for Eddie, Buck is determined to give him the perfect Christmas.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 184





	The Heart of Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone on discord, especially Jen, for the encouragement, help, and suggestions. You're all awesome. :)

“Can you still be in a food coma three days after Thanksgiving?” Buck asked, rubbing his stomach and groaning.

“I don’t think it works like that,” Josh said. “It might be the three pieces of leftover pie you just ate.”

“They were so good, though.” Josh’s dad was an excellent cook, and Buck could never resist eating everything they put in front of him.

“Come on, next card.” Josh nudged him, eliciting another groan.

He read off the flash card desultorily. Josh had gone old school this year instead of using his iPad like a normal person. He’d been quizzing Josh for half an hour and now knew way more about art history than he ever wanted to.

Whoever decided finals should be so soon after Thanksgiving was a sadistic asshole.

A frantic knock on the door interrupted his next question. Buck welcomed the break, even as he wondered who it could be. They kept knocking, a continuous beat that got louder and faster the longer it took Buck to drag himself off the couch and answer it.

Buck opened the door to a distraught Eddie. He looked awful—thick hair unbrushed, eyes red-rimmed.

“Eddie? What’s wrong? What happened?”

Eddie choked out a noise that wasn’t quite Buck’s name and collapsed against Buck’s chest. As sobs shook Eddie’s body, Buck wrapped his arms around him, rubbing his back. He had no clue what could’ve happened since the text Eddie sent him this morning saying his flight from Texas was supposed to be arriving on time.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” He felt like an idiot. He was terrible around crying people. “It’s all right. You’re okay.”

He looked around for Josh for help, but Josh was gathering his keys and wallet.

“I’m gonna go to Bradley’s,” Josh mouthed, edging past them in the doorway.

Buck narrowed his eyes at him. Typical of Josh to escape to his boyfriend’s when things got thorny. Josh shrugged, then disappeared down the hall.

Once Josh left and Buck realized Eddie’s crying had only gotten worse, Buck nudged him and stepped back. He didn’t get far, Eddie’s grip tightening on the back of his shirt.

“Hey, let’s go sit,” he murmured, gently prying Eddie’s fists loose.

Eddie didn’t respond but followed when Buck led him to the couch. Cupping Eddie’s face, he wiped away the tears that were still falling. In the few years he’d known Eddie, he’d never seem him this upset. Frustrated at an incomprehensible math problem, annoyed at his asshole roommate freshman year, angry at an unfair professor? All that and more, but this was something new, and Buck was at a loss at what to do.

“Can you tell me what’s going on? Did something happen to your family?”

He crumpled at that, leaning against Buck’s shoulder and clutching at his leg.

“Did somebody get hurt?” Eddie shook his head, and Buck suppressed a sigh. How could he help if Eddie wouldn’t _talk_ to him? “Okay. We’ll just sit here until you’re ready.”

It took a long time, but eventually Eddie shuddered and sat up, wiping his face with the bottom of his sweatshirt.

“Wanna talk about it?” Buck asked, finger-combing Eddie’s messy hair. Eddie gave him an annoyed look, so Buck assumed things couldn’t be that bad.

“I told my parents I’m bi.”

“Oh. I, uh, didn’t know you planned to do that.”

“I didn’t. It sorta just popped out this morning.” He pulled his sleeves over his hands and leaned back against the cushions. “It didn’t—they didn’t—I—”

“Oh, Eddie.” Maybe things _were_ that bad.

“They said—” He scrubbed at his eyes with his sleeves.

“Whatever they said, they were wrong.” Because clearly it wasn’t nice if it’d upset him this much.

“There was a lot of yelling and swearing, mostly from them.”

“I’m so sorry, Eddie.” He was unfortunately intimately familiar with how awful it could go. When he came out at 16, his parents kicked him out and disowned him. If not for Maddie taking him in and a trust fund from his grandma, he would’ve been SOL and homeless.

“They don't want me home for Christmas.”

“They _what_?” Eddie flinched at Buck's raised voice, and it hurt Buck's heart to see Eddie back away from him. "I'm sorry. But they told you that? Just flat out? Don’t come home for Christmas?”

“They 'need time' and said it'd be better if I stayed on campus and honestly, I don't think I'm ready to face them again anyway.”

Fucking hell. The Diazes were definitely on his shit list, if they hadn't been already.

“Eddie—”

“Can we—” He scrubbed at his face, then wrapped his arms around his middle. “I can't talk about this anymore.”

“Right. Of course. Um.” He looked around helplessly, at a complete loss at what to do now. “What do you need?”

“I don't know. I don’t—”

“We could...play Mario Kart?”

“Okay,” Eddie said, though clearly half-heartedly.

He went through the motions of playing, not reacting when his car got run off the road. Eventually Buck paused the game and turned toward Eddie, bending one leg to sit on.

“Are you hungry?” Buck asked, gently taking the controller from Eddie's limp hand.

Eddie shrugged.

“We could get pizza from Ricciardi’s. I'll even let you get pineapple.” He shuddered dramatically, which finally got him a smile from Eddie. A small smile, but it was at least something.

“Pizza sounds good.”

Buck mentally fist pumped, excited to get any kind of emotion out of Eddie, even if it was about food, and grabbed his phone to order. Ricciardi's had the best pizza on campus, but it was a small, family-owned place that not many people knew about. They knew Buck and Eddie's usual order by now.

While they waited for food, Buck scrolled through Netflix and Hulu and finally settled on Star Wars because he knew Eddie loved it. They ate on the floor by the coffee table, straight out of the box since Buck hated doing dishes. He picked off all the pineapple and flicked it toward Eddie’s plate.

“You could've gotten half and half," Eddie said, raising an eyebrow at Buck's disgusted face.

“It's okay." Pineapple on pizza was the worst, but he'd put up with it for Eddie.

“You don’t—”

“I don't what?”

“Never mind.”

“Eddie—”

“I’m okay.”

He didn't believe that for a minute but let it drop. Eddie was quiet on a good day, and today was not a good day.

They polished off the pizza, then flopped onto the couch. Buck pulled the old quilt off the back and spread it over their laps. Eddie dug at a hole, twisting the material around his fingers over and over. Maddie had patched several spots over the years. He put his hand over Eddie's.

“Dad and I used to watch this on Saturdays when Adriana and Sofia had dance class,” Eddie said, barely audible, staring fixedly at the tv.

Fuck. Buck had very few good memories with his parents. They were distant at best and outright neglectful at times. He felt lucky to be away from them.

“I’m sorry. I know that's really fucking inadequate right now, but I'm sorry you're going through this.”

Biting his lip, Eddie nodded and leaned against Buck's side. “Thank you.”

They went back to watching the movie. Halfway through _Empire Strikes Back_ , Buck looked over at Eddie and saw his eyes drooping, chin sagging toward his chest.

“Hey.” Buck nudged him, and Eddie’s head bobbed up. “You want me to take you home? Or you can stay here tonight.”

“I’ll stay.”

“Okay.”

Buck hid his surprise. Eddie sometimes crashed at his place after late or drunken nights, but he usually turned down the invitation to go home instead, preferring to sleep in his own bed, which he made into a nest of blankets and pillows.

“I’ll get you something to sleep in.”

He dug out a pair of blue plaid pajamas, which would normally earn him an eye roll, but Eddie took them wordlessly. They changed, then climbed into bed, Buck on the side by the clock because Eddie knew he was obsessed with always knowing the time. Lying in the dark, Buck willed himself to sleep, but it eluded him. He was worried about Eddie, and it was dragging up long-buried memories of the night his parents kicked him out and he slept on his best friend's couch until Maddie found out what happened and took him home with her.

He heard a muffled noise from the other side of the bed and rolled over to face Eddie, propping himself up on an elbow. He could barely make him out in the dark. Lightly touching Eddie’s back, he felt tremors coursing through his body. Eddie leaned back into the touch, jamming his face further into the pillow.

Fuck. He was going to fucking _murder_ Eddie's parents if he ever saw them again.

He hugged Eddie from behind, but Eddie turned and buried his face in Buck's neck, clinging tightly. Buck rubbed his back and murmured comforting words until Eddie cried himself out and fell asleep.

@@@

“So they straight up told him not to come home for Christmas?” Josh asked, shoving textbooks and papers off to the side of the table and setting out forks and paper towels.

Buck drained the pasta, then plated up the spaghetti while Josh grabbed the garlic bread out of the oven. “Yep. After yelling at him.” Eddie hadn’t told him what they actually said to him, but Buck could guess. He wanted to stab them every time he thought about it.

“Jesus. What dicks.”

“Yep.”

He twirled spaghetti around his fork but had to physically unclench his jaw before taking a bite. Eddie had left early the next morning before Buck was awake to get to an 8 a.m. class, and they hadn’t talked in the last couple days, except for a few texts from Eddie saying he was all right. Which Buck didn’t believe for a second.

“You have no idea how lucky you are to have supportive, loving parents,” Buck said.

“Believe me, I am grateful every day that my parents are, if anything, a little _too_ happy I’m gay and involved in Pride.”

Buck used to be envious of people like Josh, who came out to their parents and found acceptance, but now he only felt happy. But he’d still give anything to have a family like Josh’s.

“How’s Eddie doing? This is really good, by the way,” Josh added, waving his fork and almost losing a meatball.

“Oh. Uh, thanks.” Maddie had insisted he learn some life skills before he left for college, like laundry and how to budget and a few basic meals, but lately he’d been trying more complex recipes beyond tossing spices on chicken and throwing it in the oven. “And you know Eddie. He’s miserable and heartbroken and won’t talk about it. I wish I could make it better for him.”

“Everyone processes grief differently, and he’s grieving the loss of the relationship he had with his parents.”

“I know.”

“All you can do is be there for him, let him know he still has friends, even if his parents are assholes.”

“I just hate the thought of him spending Christmas alone, holed up in his tiny studio, depressed and abandoned.”

“Look, I know you lo—care about him, but you can't force holiday cheer on him. You have to let this go, Buck.”

“I _know_.”

But he couldn’t let it go. Eddie was his best friend, more than that, ever since freshman year when their dorm rooms were across the hall from each other and they both had horrible, completely awful roommates. They spent a lot of time in the common room, library, and many coffee shops together, commiserating, bitching about classes, and doing anything to avoid studying. Eddie nursed him through the flu and talked him down off the proverbial ledge when he nearly failed physics, and Buck was the first one he told a couple years ago that he was bi. He couldn’t sit on his ass and let Eddie go through this alone.

@@@

Finals sucked. Buck hated studying anyway, and cramming a semester’s worth of information back into his head was even more difficult. He rotated between doing practice o-chem problems, rereading his 500-page microbiology textbook, and staring at his bedroom wall. Except now, when he was scrolling through Instagram, giving himself a brain break and trying not to cry at how much he still had to review.

He should drop out and move to South America. Surf and hang out on the beach all day. But South America didn’t have Eddie, and no Eddie in his life was unfathomable.

Sprawled out on his bed, heavy textbook laid out on his chest, he glanced at the TV, at the Parks and Rec rerun he’d seen a dozen times and usually made him snort-laugh. He sighed and clicked on another random post. He was so far off his timeline, he had no idea how he’d gotten here to PaisleyandKadensMom? What the fuck? Oh, well. He kept scrolling anyway. Even a mommy influencer blog appealed to him more than studying right now. Cute kids wearing designer clothes all in pastels. Cute kids playing while mommy strategically held an energy drink with the label displayed. Lists of things to do with the kids and if you didn’t you were clearly a _horrible_ parent. More pics of cute kids with plastered on smiles and mommy looki—

_Wait. Hold up._

He sat up fast, book falling into his lap and nearly crushing his junk. He shoved it to the side, ignoring when it hit the floor with a thud, and scrolled back to the list that had caught his attention.

_Twenty-five ways to keep the kids entertained over the Christmas break._

He couldn’t use all the ideas—Eddie wasn’t five, after all—but it was a start. He grabbed his o-chem notebook and flipped to a blank page and furiously scribbled notes until Josh poked his head in the door an hour later, asking if he wanted to order Chinese.

Operation: cheer up Eddie

Operation: no one spends Christmas alone on my watch

Buck shows Eddie his holy spirit

Okay, he’d figure out the name later. Right now he needed to talk to Josh and figure out how to implement his plan.

@@@

Buck grinned when Eddie opened the door, but it quickly fell when he really took him in. His hair was a mess, sticking up on one side and falling into his eyes. He wore his navy and white striped comforter wrapped around him with only his bare feet visible. He looked tired, bruises smudged under his dark eyes. Buck wanted to hug him tight and never let go.

“Hi,” Eddie said, stepping back to let Buck in.

“Hi.” He shoved his hands in his coat pockets so he wouldn’t reach out to him. “I’m here to kidnap you.”

“You’re here to what now?”

“Kidnap you?” he replied with way less conviction.

“Kidnap me?” He raised an eyebrow, one side of his mouth ticking up into a tiny, tiny smile.

“Yeah. So you can stay with me for a couple weeks.”

“Buck, I don’t think—”

“Josh left for home this morning. He said you can stay in his room.”

His shoulders sagged, and he tightened the comforter around him. “Buck.”

“Come on, it’ll be good.”

“I’d rather stay here.”

Of course he would. He’d ensconce himself in bed, where he’d sleep too much and not eat enough, and the thought of that made Buck’s heart squeeze painfully.

“I can’t let you spend Christmas depressed and miserable, stuck in this apartment by yourself.”

“ _Let_ me?”

“Ugh, poor choice of words. You know what I mean.”

“You don’t have to worry about me. I’m—”

“Fine? But you’re not. And it’s okay that you’re not fine, but you can be not fine at my apartment too. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

A muscle in Eddie’s jaw ticked, and he stared at Buck stubbornly. Gripping Eddie’s shoulders, he ducked his head to meet Eddie’s eyes.

“Eddie, you’re my best friend and I love you and it kills me to see you hurting. I just want you to be happy. _Please_ let me be here for you.”

Sighing, Eddie tipped forward until his forehead landed on Buck’s shoulder. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” Buck hugged him as best he could with the thick comforter in the way, felt something inside him uncoil and release.

“Yeah. Thank you,” he said softly.

“All right.” He stepped back before he decided to stay rooted to this spot forever. Spinning Eddie around, he gave him a little push. “Go pack. And maybe take a shower because you stink.”

“Fuck off,” Eddie grumbled, flipping Buck off as he walked away, but there was laughter in his voice, buried underneath a layer of exhaustion but still there.

Buck flopped onto Eddie’s old brown armchair, the only other piece of furniture besides his bed and minuscule cafe table and stool, and glanced around the studio. It was so small you could practically wash dishes and shower at the same time, but at least it was clean. He and Josh weren’t always the best at housekeeping. He supposed any bit of clutter would instantly stick out as out of place here.

After Eddie showered and packed, Buck helped him carry his stuff to the car, which included _four_ pillows and his comforter. He could’ve insisted on bringing his entire bed. Buck didn’t care as long as Eddie came with him.

@@@

“What are you doing?”

Buck spun at the sudden voice behind him, nearly tripping on the box at his feet.

“Getting out Christmas decorations,” he said, going back to hauling the giant tree box out of the storage closet off the deck.

Eddie stood at the deck door, striped comforter around his shoulders, probably because Buck had the door wide open in 30-degree weather, and the Texan in Eddie still hadn't adjusted to living in the midwest during winter. He still had bed head and the squinty eyes of somebody not used to sunlight yet.

“Want help?”

“Sure.”

Eddie grabbed the other end of the box. They soon had it and the rest of the decorations inside. It was admittedly not much since his apartment was small and Josh wasn't as into Christmas as Buck was. Sighing gratefully, Eddie slid the door shut and tossed his comforter onto the couch. Buck put the hat he'd been wearing on top of it, then crouched by the tree box, carefully undoing the strips of tape holding it together.

“Your hair's green,” Eddie said, sitting cross-legged beside Buck.

“Oh. Yeah. It's Christmas.” He'd dyed it this morning while he restlessly waited for Eddie to wake up when even his phone couldn't keep him occupied anymore.

“It looks good.”

“Yeah?” The green hadn't covered the jet black completely, so it was a weird mix of the two. He thought about doing more green to fix it, but if Eddie liked it...

“Mm-hm.”

Eddie reached up to run a hand through Buck's hair, and Buck almost swallowed his tongue. The last piece of tape came loose with a loud _pop_ , startling them both. Smiling, Eddie dug through the box until he found the tree stand and center pole.

They worked quickly, screwing the pole into the base, then fitting the top and bottom sections in. Buck walked around the tree fluffing branches so each one laid just right, ignoring Eddie's eye roll and quiet huff of laughter. They'd been through this ritual before.

“I still expect someone as into Christmas as you to go all out on the perfect tree and not reuse a fake one every year.”

Buck hesitated. Kneeling, he grasped the tree base and scooted it closer to the wall so they wouldn't run into the lower branches when they walked by. Eddie nudged his foot. Buck sighed and sat facing Eddie, rolling his hands up in the hem of his sweater.

“My, uh, my mom was allergic to pine. We always had fake trees growing up. guess I got used to it.” And he couldn't really afford luxuries like buying a new tree every year. His trust fund mostly paid tuition and rent, and his shitty work study job in the chem lab covered groceries and shit, but he wasn't rolling in cash like most people thought when they found out he had a trust fund.

“Ah.” He cleared his throat, squeezed Buck's shoulder, and looked at the other half dozen boxes. “Where're the lights? Are you going multi or white this year?”

Appreciating the subject change, he crawled to the biggest box and carefully ripped it open. “Thought we'd do both.”

“Ooh, what a rebel!”

He'd been called that before, due to his often-dyed hair, piercings, and tattoos, and usually bristled since most people meant it in a derogatory way. But Eddie sounded affectionate.

Cheeks heating, he tossed a box of lights at Eddie. “Shut up, asshole.”

Eddie's grin, such a welcome sight after these past few days, made Buck's heart kick painfully in his chest.

They decorated in silence for a while, Christmas music playing from Buck's phone. Shimmying his hips as he circled the tree with sparkly red tinsel garland, Buck sang _We_ _wish_ _you_ _a_ _merry_ _little_ _Christmas_ , loud and off-key. Eddie wrinkled his nose in an adorable way that Buck loved and sorted through the box of ornaments for ones that fit their theme of “anything but white because that's _boring._ ” They'd loaded the tree with lights until Eddie insisted on stopping because he didn't want to meet the fire department, thanks.

Buck finished with the tinsel and stood back, hands on his hips, checking for gaps or droopy bits.

“It looks great, Buck. Quit messing with it.” Eddie told him, gripping his wrist when he tried to fix the same spot for the third time. “Do you have a method for putting the ornaments on, or is it a free for all?”

“Whatever you want.”

“So you won't sneak up behind me and move shit to better spots?” He did air quotes around better, and Buck flicked him in the shoulder.

“It’s your tree too. Go for it.”

Truthfully, there were a few times Buck flexed his hands and deliberately looked away from the tree to keep from rearranging ornaments. He wasn't a perfectionist but liked things to be evenly spaced, a trait Eddie stubbornly did _not_ share. But watching him, hair falling over his forehead no matter how many times he pushed it back, biting his lip in concentration or joking with Buck about his terrible taste in dollar store Christmas decorations, Buck didn't have the heart to ruin the crazy, _random_ aesthetic he had going.

Once the tree was done, each branch laden with decorations and threatening to snap under the weight, they moved on to the few other things he had, Santas and snowmen statues and little light up angels. Buck carefully unwrapped the delicate glass sleigh and reindeer set to place on the mantel over the gas fireplace that had never worked. This set was the only thing he kept from his childhood. Maddie swiped it for him when she went to collect his school books and clothes after his parents kicked him out. It was always his favorite decoration growing up. Dancer's tail broke when he was nine. He'd sobbed for an hour, despite his dad barking at him to “stop acting like a girl.” Maddie took his hand and led him to the kitchen and helped him glue it back on. The tail was still a bit crooked. He took extra care with all the reindeer now.

Fuck. He hadn't thought about his parents this much in ages. _Get_ _out_ _of_ _my_ _head_ , _dammit_.

He put the last reindeer in place—Rudolph, with his cute little red nose—and stepped back to admire everything. It definitely looked Christmassy now.

“What do you think?” he asked, walking over to Eddie by the tree and throwing an arm over his shoulder.

“It looks really nice, Buck,” he said softly. Tears clung to his eyelashes, and the smile he aimed at Buck trembled on the edges.

Shit. Not for the first or hundredth time, Buck wished he could stab Eddie's parents.

Folding Eddie in his arms, he held on until Eddie hugged him back, face tucked into Buck's neck and fists clenched in the back of his sweater.

@@@

Buck was curled up on the couch, watching a cheesy Christmas movie on the Hallmark channel and eating cereal when Eddie stumbled out of Josh’s room, blanket wrapped around his shoulders and yawning.

“Morning, sleeping beauty.” Though twenty ’til 12 was closer to afternoon than morning.

Eddie shuffled into the kitchen and poured his own cereal, then leaned against the counter by the fridge to eat.

“Did you sleep well?” Buck asked, receiving a grunt in reply. He bit his lip to keep from smiling. He was starting to really love how grumpy Eddie was in the morning. It wasn’t a side of him he got to see much before now.

He drank the chocolatey remains of his milk and stood, joining Eddie in the kitchen.

“You up for doing something in a bit?”

“Just let me finish this,” Eddie said.

“We can go later. There’s no rush.”

“Now’s good. What are we doing?”

“Dress warmly,” Buck told him as he rinsed his bowl in the sink and put it in the dishwasher. Glancing over his shoulder, he grinned at Eddie’s grumpy, frowny face. “We’re going sledding.”

“ _We_ are not.”

“Yes. We are.” He crossed to Eddie and jostled him back and forth until Eddie huffed at him and poked him in side. “Why did you choose a school in Ohio if you were gonna refuse to appreciate the awesomeness of snow?”

“I wanted out of Texas and Ohio was far away. I didn’t think through the whole freezing winters thing.”

Buck smirked. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t think things through.”

“Me too.”

“All right.” He clapped his hands, then snatched the blanket off Eddie’s shoulders. “Go get dressed. We’re going sledding.”

“Fine,” Eddie sighed. “Do you even own a sled?”

“Nope, but Josh does. He said we can use it.”

Eddie left to get dressed, and Buck ventured out to the storage closet. After moving a dozen boxes of who knows what out of the way, he found Josh’s sled stuck behind a life-size cutout of Captain America. They really needed to clean out and organize this closet.

Buck was just shutting the deck door when Eddie got to the living room, dressed in sweats and looking a little more awake.

“That’s Josh’s sled?” Eddie asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah. Why?” His grip tightened on the bright pink disk in his hands, prepared to defend Josh’s taste in sleds.

“I was expecting one of those old fashioned wooden ones. This is much better.”

Buck relaxed. He should’ve known Eddie wouldn’t be a dick about it. “It should be faster.”

“And have fewer splinters,” Eddie added, and Buck grinned. “Come on. Let’s get this over with.”

“Wow. So much enthusiasm. Try to contain your joy there, Eddie.”

“Whatever.” He rolled his eyes and playfully shoved Buck toward the hall closet.

Buck watched in amusement as Eddie layered up, putting on a fleece jacket under his puffy winter coat and his extra thick hat and gloves.

“No scarf?” Buck smirked, pulling on his own hat. “Maybe earmuffs?”

“Shut up. It’s cold outside.” He eyed Buck’s Rudolph hat and flicked one of the stuffed antlers. “You really love Christmas, don’t you?”

“Yep.” Even if he didn’t have any truly happy ones until he was a teenager and spent them with Maddie.

They walked toward campus. There was a big hill behind the education building that everyone used as a sledding spot. It snowed a few inches overnight so he’d rearranged his activities list since snow usually melted pretty quickly here. Luckily the hill was mostly empty, only a few people dotted the hill, standing out against the bright snow in their colorful coats.

“You can’t just stand there and watch me the whole time,” Buck said, craning his head to look up at Eddie, his arms crossed, chin tucked into his coat. “Get your ass on here, Diaz.”

“You think we’ll both fit?”

“Of course! Get down here.”

Sighing, he dropped to his knees, then crammed behind Buck on the sled. It was a tight fit but worked as long as Eddie kept his arms around him. Eddie hooked his chin over Buck’s shoulder, breath ghosting over his cheek. Buck shuddered, hot all over despite the bone-chilling wind whipping around them. He leveraged them down the hill before he could dwell on that too long.

It was amazing. They veered off course a couple times until Buck figured out how to steer and came down hard after a bump that rattled their teeth, but it was fan-freaking-tastic. Buck whooped, laughing delightedly at Eddie’s “oh shiiiiit.”

Skidding to a stop at the bottom, Buck toppled sideways, half on top of Eddie. He lay there for a bit, catching his breath and smiling like a loon up at the cloudless blue sky. After a couple minutes, he got to his feet, then helped Eddie up.

“That was awesome!” Throwing his arms in the air, he danced in place, a few clumsy steps that nearly landed him on his ass.

Eddie shrugged one shoulder, brushing snow off his coat and turning to head back up the hill.

“Come on, you have to admit that was fun,” Buck said, hip-checking Eddie so he slid a couple steps down the hill. Flailing, he reached for Buck, and Buck grabbed his arm, holding onto him as they continued to the top.

“We almost took out a six-year-old.”

“I know! Isn’t it great!”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Not sure her parents agree.”

“Pfft. This sure beats the time we went sledding with the trays we stole from the cafeteria. Those suckers were slick, but we couldn’t stay on them for very long.”

“I think that had more to do with being drunk than anything.”

Buck grinned. “Oh. Right. Probably. That was a good night.”

They’d been at a party with Josh and Bradley, before they started dating but after Josh developed a horrendously obvious crush on him. Buck and Eddie won at beer pong and celebrated with shots. On the way home, someone suggested going sledding, and it’d sounded like the best idea ever. He still wasn’t clear how they got the trays or why, but they did more tumbling into the snow than sledding. Wasn’t a complete bust, though, since Josh and Bradley ended up making out in a snowbank. Buck and Eddie walked home alone, laughing about god knows what and hanging onto each other as they slid on the icy sidewalk.

“So, again?” Buck asked, watching a little boy and his mom careen down the hill.

“Fine.”

“You can’t fool me. I saw a ghost of a smile.” He poked the corner of Eddie’s mouth and grinned when Eddie wrinkled his nose.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he grumbled, but Buck saw the tiny smile again.

“Suruuuue.”

“Whatever.”

They hurtled down the hill several more times, until Buck’s pants were soaked through and his legs ached from climbing back up each time.

“Home now?” Eddie whined through chattering teeth.

Buck felt bad, but there was a light in Eddie’s eyes he hadn’t seen in a couple days, so he only felt slightly guilty. Slipping his arm through Eddie’s, he dragged him toward the shortcut between the upperclassmen dorms.

“Did you know that it snowed 75 inches in one day in Colorado once? And snow isn’t really white. It—”

“Buck, honestly all I care about right now is a hot shower. I can barely feel my toes.”

“Yeah, me too,” he admitted. “I’ll do you one better and even make you hot chocolate.”

“My hero.” Sarcasm dripped from each word, but he shuffled closer to Buck.

Buck hid his smile in the collar of his coat.

@@@

Buck glanced at the clock. Almost 2 a.m. He wasn’t sure what woke him but decided to hit the bathroom and get a drink.He left the lights off and his eyes half-closed, hoping to get to sleep again once back in bed. Putting the Brita pitcher into the fridge, a noise from the living room startled a yelp out of him.

“What the—” He spun, nearly dropping his glass, and searched for a weapon before his eyes adjusted enough for him to recognize Eddie sitting on the couch. “Jesus, you scared me.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He set the glass on the counter and curled up next to Eddie. He had his comforter draped over his shoulders, which was never a good sign. “Why are you out here in the dark?”

He fiddled with his phone for several minutes before answering. “I tried texting my sisters. I thought maybe they—that they maybe didn’t feel the same way as my parents, but they didn’t text back. I can see that they read them, but they—” Shoulders hunched, he sniffed and wiped jerkily at his eyes. “They probably hate me.”

“Oh, Eddie.” He scooted closer and put a hand on Eddie’s leg. “They don’t hate you.”

“Then why are they ignoring me?”

“I don’t know. Maybe your parents won’t let them or they don’t know what to say or they don’t want to take sides.”

Eddie made an inarticulate noise and leaned his head on the back of the couch. “I knew my parents would react…badly, that’s why I waited so long to tell them, but I didn’t expect my sisters to react this way.”

He pried the phone out of Eddie’s hand and set it on the coffee table. “I don’t know your sisters very well, but from what you’ve told me about them and the few times I’ve met them, I know they love you and will fight anyone that hurts you. Especially Adriana.”

Eddie snorted, but the amusement quickly faded, tears slipping down his cheeks. “ _This_ hurts.”

Fuck. It hurt Buck too. He wished he could take Eddie’s pain away. He didn’t deserve this shit.

“I get that. And I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” Cupping Eddie’s face, he brushed away his tears with his thumbs. “Whatever happens, you’ll always have me. You won’t be alone, I promise. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me for life.”

Eddie flashed him a small, tremulous smile and fell forward, head landing on Buck’s chest. Buck hugged him close, every one of Eddie’s tears like a knife stabbing into his heart.

A long time later, Eddie loosened his hold on Buck and sat back. Buck kept an arm around him, unable or unwilling to let go of him completely.

“Did you ruin your Christmas plans to stay here with me?” Eddie asked, twisting the comforter around his fingers.

“What? Of course not!”

“But you had other plans, right?”

“I _changed_ my plans. You didn’t ruin _anything_.”

“I feel like I messed everything up.”

“Eddie.” Buck tipped Eddie’s chin up. It was still dark since they hadn’t bothered turning on the lights, but Buck hoped Eddie could see his sincerity clearly enough. “Yes, I had plans to go home with Josh, but as much as I love him and his family, I’d much rather be here with you.”

“Me too.”

@@@

Buck expected Eddie to sleep in after their late night, but he was up early, not too long after Buck. He looked rough, like he hadn’t slept after they finally went back to bed, his eyes ringed with dark circles, his skin pale.

“You want scrambled eggs?” Buck asked, already moving toward the fridge to add more eggs to the ones he was preparing. The carton sat alone on the shelf next to a partial stick of butter. They were out of milk and, well, just about everything else. They’d need to go to the store soon. He hated grocery shopping, but maybe it wouldn’t be so bad with Eddie.

“Sounds good, thanks.” He crossed to the coffee maker, then wrinkled his nose at the practically empty canister, sighing dramatically.

“Sorry. We drank the last of it yesterday. I’m usually better about keeping things stocked, but it’s been a bit crazy with finals and everything.”

“No problem. Is there orange juice?”

“Um.”

“Tea bags?”

“That I do have. Top shelf of the pantry. Unless you want beer.”

“Not with breakfast. Tea is fine,” he said, sounding like tea was a last resort and only a step up from drinking toilet water.

Buck covered his laugh with a cough, then poured the egg mixture into a hot pan. He’d found half an onion and some cheddar and added that and random spices to give the eggs a bit of kick. There was nothing worse than boring eggs.

They talked while Buck cooked. If Buck got close to bringing up last night, Eddie changed the subject. Apparently what happened on Buck’s couch at 2 a.m. stayed on Buck’s couch.

He plated the eggs and slid into a chair next to Eddie at the table, nodding in thanks when Eddie put a steaming mug of tea by his elbow.

“These are really good,” Eddie said, shoveling in another mouthful.

He ducked his head, cheeks heating. “It’s just eggs.”

“But you fancied them up.” Eddie glared at him when he went to protest. “Just take the compliment.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

@@@

“Here. Put this on.” Buck said, tossing Eddie his coat and interrupting a riveting documentary about wasps.

“Where are we going?”

“We’re gonna build a snowman!” Buck said brightly.

“Outside again?” Eddie whined. “Buck, no.”

“Eddie, _yes_.” He jammed Eddie’s hat on his head while Eddie crossed his arms and glowered at him. “It’s perfect packing snow right now, and we’ve gotta jump at the chance. The snow could melt at any time.”

“And missing the opportunity to build a snowman is a bad thing?”

“Sure is!” He wrapped a scarf around Eddie’s neck and used the ends to drag Eddie off the couch.

Eddie stared at him for a second, then wiggled his fingers in exaggerated jazz hands. “Yea! Snowmen!”

Rolling his eyes, Buck shrugged into his coat and grabbed his hat and gloves. He’d take fake enthusiasm for now, especially since Eddie was zipping his coat and heading for the door.

They trekked around to the back of the building, where there was an open field backed by a handful of trees that everyone called the woods. Foot-and-paw prints streaked the snow, criss-crossing each other and creating random shapes. Buck led Eddie to a relatively clear space and dropped to his knees. It was perfect packing snow, a bit melty, not too fluffy. He lost himself in the packing and shaping of snow, dimly aware of Eddie working behind him. Humming _Jingle Bells_ , he plopped the second ball on top of the base and gathered snow for the head. His snowman would be a rock star, he decided, even if no one else ever knew that.

“Oh, for fuck’s sakes!”

“You okay over there?” Buck glanced over his shoulder.

Eddie smashed the beginnings of a snowman with his palm, looking infuriated and like a five-year-old that had his toy taken away. “No.”

“Need help?”

“Ugh, yes. Why is yours staying together and mine keeps rolling off and being a pain in the ass?” He waved his arm toward Buck’s perfectly shaped snowman, then poked sadly at the remains of his.

“Because I’ve been doing this since I was a kid. You just need more practice. Here. Watch me.”

Eddie studied him seriously, brows pinched in concentration, copying Buck’s technique until he could do it without Buck’s help. In the end, he did most of the work, with Buck chiming in with the occasional tip. They searched the woods for sticks and stones and whatever else they could find to bring the snowman to life.

“It’s missing something,” Buck said, eyeing it critically.

“I think it looks pretty damn good.”

“Hmm. Oh!” He unwound Eddie’s scarf from around his neck. Ignoring Eddie’s indignant “hey!” he draped it around the snowman and stepped back. “Perfect.”

“Okay. You were right.”

“I know.” Grinning, he hip-checked Eddie, then pulled out his phone. He snapped several selfies, snowman in the background and Eddie’s face smooshed against his. He faltered for a second at having Eddie so close, feeling his smile dimple his cheek. He swallowed and backed away, hoping Eddie hadn’t noticed.

Scrolling through the pictures, he selected the best one and posted it to Instagram.

_Having SNOW much fun!!!_

Eddie rolled his eyes at the caption and the series of pun-tastic hashtags, but he stole Buck’s phone and said, “I’m sending these to myself,” so Buck was counting this as a win.

Together, they finished Buck’s snowman. He took off his hat and fitted it on the head.

“We’re pretty awesome,” Buck said when it was done.

“Yep,” Eddie replied through chattering teeth. Hands jammed in his pockets, he huddled closer to Buck.

“You and your thin Texan blood. It’s not even cold out.”

He gave Buck major side-eye. “You’re—it’s freezing out here!”

“Only technically,” he said, pretending the tips of his ears weren’t going numb. “C’mere.”

Eddie shuffled closer, and Buck tugged him into a hug. Eddie huffed at him, keeping his hands in his pockets until Buck jostled him back and forth. He wrapped his arms around Buck’s lower back and tucked his icy nose into his neck. Buck felt warm all over, like he’d swallowed a mini sun.

@@@

Buck’s phone lit up with an incoming call. He grinned at Maddie’s name on the display. He always answered her calls instead of letting them go to voicemail like he did if anyone else called.

“Hey, Mads.”

“Evan. How’s my favorite baby brother?”

He groan-laughed. “When are you gonna stop with that lame joke? I’m your only brother.”

“Never. You’ll always be my favorite. But, really, how are you?”

They caught up for a while, talking about his finals and some of the crazy stories from the ER she worked at.

“I’m sorry I won’t be home for Christmas. I kinda feel like I abandoned you.”

“Don’t be stupid. You’re allowed to have a life, and I’m good here. And this way I can spend Christmas with Eddie.”

Eddie had stayed in Josh’s room all morning, except to go to the bathroom a couple times. He waved at Buck and hadn’t seemed upset, so Buck assumed it was his usual _I don’t want to be around people_ thing and left him alone. Which was difficult, because he always preferred to be with Eddie.

“How’s he doing?”

He’d told her about Eddie’s parents, after it brought up shit about his own past. She’d calmed him down, when all he wanted to do was fly to Texas and stab the Diazes with a rusty spoon.

“I don’t know, Mads. I made a list of fun stuff to do, but it doesn’t seem like enough. I want everything to be extra special and awesome for Eddie. I don’t think I’m helping, though. He still seems so sad.” Not that he couldn’t be sad sometimes. How could he not be after what his parents did? Still.

“Eddie doesn't need you to be awesome all the time. He just needs to be cared for and to know someone's there for him.”

Maybe she was right. The first couple months after he moved in with Maddie were pretty much a blur. He remembered trying to make it through school and often failing and not wanting to tell people anything. Mostly he remembered Maddie, cooking for him, replacing what she could afford since he left with nothing but the bare minimum, and just generally taking care of him because he wasn’t in the right mental state to take care of himself. But Eddie deserved everything good.

“It’ll just take time,” she said. “You know that, Evan.”

“Yeah. I worry about him.”

“I know.”

He cleared his throat and stretched out his legs on the coffee table. “But enough about me. Are you ready for your trip?”

“I’m nervous as fuck. What if they all hate me?”

Whew. Maddie normally didn’t swear like that. She must be freaking out. She was traveling to LA with her boyfriend to meet his family. It surprised Buck initially. After a bad breakup with the-asshole-who-will-not-be-named a couple years ago, she’d sworn off dating and focused on her career instead, becoming a charge nurse in the ER. Until she met Chimney.

“They will not hate you. You are amazing and sweet and the best person I know. They’ll fall in love with you immediately, just like Chim did.”

“You’re going to make me cry,” she complained, and Buck suddenly missed her fiercely. He avoided Pennsylvania nowadays except to visit Maddie, even though she lived 100 miles away from their hometown.

He could use a hug from his big sister.

“Stop worrying,” he told her. “They’ll love you. And Chimney is awesome. He’s not going to throw you to the lions. But if you need me, call. And stop repacking!” he added, and Maddie laughed.

“Okay, okay.” She giggled again, and it reminded Buck of all the best parts of his life.

“Are you still coming for New Year’s?”

“I’ll be there, I promise. Howie’s excited to see you again.”

“Awesome.” He heard a door open and looked up, catching Eddie’s eye and smiling. “Hey, Mads, I gotta go. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

He ended the call and leaned over the back of the couch to watch Eddie inspect everything laid out on the table.

“You want breakfast?” Or lunch. Whatever.

“No, I’m good.”

“What’s all this?”

“We’re going to make ugly sweaters.” He vaulted over the couch and joined Eddie in the kitchen.

“They’re already ugly.”

“We’re gonna make them worse,” he told him happily, gesturing to the craft supplies spread over the table. “Do you want Rudolph or Santa riding a unicorn?”

Eddie sighed, rounding the table to slip into a chair. “I’ll take Rudolph.”

Awesome. He was secretly hoping to get Santa.

Buck went for the glitter first, of course, because you could never have too much glitter. Eddie stared gloomily at his sweater and poked at a few things before scooping up a handful of large sequins. Buck surreptitiously watched him deliberately place the sequins around Rudolph, red for his nose and hat, green on the scarf.

Buck hummed along to the Christmas music playing quietly in the background as they worked. Eddie sometimes bobbed his head to the beat, almost like he wasn’t aware of doing it.

“Can I ask you something?”

Eddie didn’t look up, and they’d been quiet for so long that Eddie’s voice startled him. 

“Sure?”

“Do you have, I don’t know, a list or something?”

“Of what?”

“Christmas-slash-winter activities? This is the fourth day you’ve forced me—”

“I’m not forcing you!”

He raised an eyebrow and continued, “Forced me to do a Christmassy thing. I don’t mind. Well, I sorta mind when you make me go outside and freeze my ass off, but I want to know why.”

“It’s—I just want you to have a good Christmas.”

“So you’re…distracting me?”

“I guess? Kinda.” He ran a hand through his hair, trying to find the words to explain. “You’re important to me and if I can get you to forget the shit you’re going through, even for five minutes, I’ll do what I can to make that happen.”

“I—thank you.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Buck dismissed automatically, feeling the blush blaze across his cheeks.

“It _is_ a big deal.” Blinking rapidly, he shook his head. “So. Is there a list?” he asked, voice deliberately light.

“Maybe.”

“Can I see it?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Buck grinned at Eddie’s pout. “It’s a surprise.” And also because he didn’t have the list nailed down yet, pending weather or other factors. “Are you done with your sweater?”

“I don’t think it could get any uglier.”

“Great! Go change into it. We need to hit the grocery store.”

“You want me to wear this in public?”

“Why decorate it and never wear it?”

“To preserve self-respect?”

“Pfft.”

They were obnoxiously ugly, especially after the extra glitter and whatnot, but Eddie still looked good in his. Of course.

“So, is there anything special you want?” Buck asked, hopping on the cart and pushing off with his foot.

Eddie hurried after him and grabbed the handle with both hands, stopping the cart with a squeak of the wheels, pressed close to Buck’s back. Buck held his breath until Eddie moved to the side.

“Coffee.”

“It’s on the list! Anything else? You can’t survive on coffee.”

“Sure I could, but I want Fritos too.”

Buck shook his head. Coffee and Fritos. He wondered what Eddie ate when Buck wasn’t around to feed him good meals.

They picked up Eddie’s coffee and Fritos, along with chicken and veggies and other healthy things. He didn’t want them to get scurvy or whatever. He also knew the comfort of junk food and ducked into the candy aisle, grabbing a couple bags of M & M’s and the tree-shaped Reece’s peanut butter cups he knew Eddie loved. He hid them at the bottom of the cart and tossed a big bag of the peppermint Hershey Kisses on top.

Wandering the aisles, he found Eddie in the cereal aisle.

“Trix? Really, Eddie? Are you 12?”

“Are you 50?” he asked, indicating the box of Cheerios in Buck’s hand.

“They’re honey nut!”

“Still boring. But I’ll let you have some Trix if you’re nice.”

“I’m always nice.”

Eddie smirked at him, and Buck hip-checked him away from the cart so he could push it.

Eddie peered into the cart. “Is that everything? There’s more here than I expected.

“I think so,” Buck said slowly, going over his mental list. “Oh! We forgot milk!” He jogged down the aisle, Eddie trailing him more slowly.

“And creamer!”

He waved a hand to acknowledge Eddie’s request. He got the creamer first, regular plus the hazelnut he knew Eddie liked. He couldn’t help looking back at Eddie and the adorably excited expression on his face when he noticed the hazelnut creamer cradled in Buck’s arm.

“You two are really cute. Have you been together long?”

Buck glanced to the side. A woman stood a couple feet away, smiling at him sweetly.

“Oh. Um.” His hands tightened around the jug of milk. A flash of _want_ seared through him before he pushed it down, forced a smile onto his face. “Thank you,” he said and fled before he wished for something he couldn’t have.

Eddie argued with him about who was paying, Buck insisting Eddie was a guest and therefore shouldn’t have to pay and Eddie countering that Buck had already done too much for him. In the end, Eddie shouldered him out of the way and stuck his card in the reader before Buck could snatch it out of his hand.

“You can cook for me tonight if that makes you feel better,” Eddie said, slipping his wallet into his pocket.

“Oh, I can, huh? Thanks for your sacrifice.”

Eddie grinned, the one that lit up his warm brown eyes and showed all his teeth and caused Buck's knees to turn to jelly.

_Fuck_.

Later, back at home, when they were unpacking bags, Eddie found the candy Buck almost forgot he picked up for him. Eddie gave him a look that had Buck flushing all over, his heart racing.

@@@

They spent the morning playing Mario Kart and being lazy. Buck texted with Josh for a bit. He was exhausted from playing with his nieces and nephew and fielding his mom’s questions about finding a “real job.” He was hiding in the garden shed to catch a break and wishing he’d holed up with Bradley in his apartment instead.

All in, Buck was happy to be here with Eddie.

“What’s on the list for today?” Eddie asked, slurping lo mein noodles off his fingers. It was mesmerizing and appalling.

“You’ll see.”

“No hints?”

“We’ll leave after we eat.” Buck poked at his Szechuan chicken with his chopsticks. He never mastered their use, and his rice kept falling off. He should just get a fork but was stubbornly sticking it out, especially since Eddie shot him an amused look every time Buck swore and stabbed at his food.

An hour later, as they put on their coats, Eddie needled him about what they were doing.

“If you say we’re going out for a snowball fight, I’m gonna kick your ass. No more playing in the snow.”

Rolling his eyes, Buck snorted. “Well, the snow all melted, so no worries there.” With his hands on Eddie’s shoulders, he spun him around, then marched him out the door. “Stop being a Grinch and embrace the season.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

He drove them off campus, to a neighboring city, even though the university had a skating rink. This one was less well known and should be less crowded. When he pulled into the parking lot, Eddie sat up straight, then threw Buck a glare.

“Ice skating? Why are you always trying to freeze me?”

“It won’t be that cold, I promise.” He unbuckled his seatbelt and then Eddie’s, shaking him until Eddie huffed and smiled.

“Have you skated before?” Buck asked as they waited in line for their skates, bright electric blue ones. He bounced on his toes, eager to put them on and get out there.

“Not since I was a kid. You?”

“It’s been awhile.”

“I suck at it.”

“Don’t worry, Eddie. I’ll catch you if you fall.” Sliding an arm around Eddie’s shoulders, he steered him toward one of the fabric-covered benches scattered around. The rink had gone all out on the Christmas decorations; trees, wreathes, garland, every surface covered in holiday cheer. A large square fireplace stood in the center of the room, people lounging on the attached benches.

They finished tying their skates and carefully headed to the ice, Eddie wobbling and clutching Buck’s arm the whole way. He hesitated before stepping on the ice.

Buck, already on the ice and leaning against the board, tugged on Eddie’s arm. “Come on. You’ll be fine. You’re athletic and have pretty good balance. You’ll pick it up quickly.”

“Okay. If I fall and break an arm, I’m blaming you.”

Buck grinned. “Fair enough.”

He joined Buck, but stuck close to the boards, supported by Buck’s arm around him.

“I don’t get how anyone can stay upright on these tiny, tiny blades, let alone do jumps and shit.”

“It has to do with your center mass and angular velocity and angular momentum,” Buck answered, subtly speeding them up. “Among other things.”

Eddie stared at him, one eyebrow raised. “Is there anything you don’t know about?”

He ducked his head, blushing. “There’s plenty. I just like googling things.”

“All right, tell me about angular…whatever.”

“Angular velocity and momentum.”

“Yeah. Tell me all about it,” he said, sounding amused and fond.

Buck looked away, unable to maintain such intense eye contact. “If you really want me to explain it—”

“I do.”

Buck wondered if he’d noticed they were a foot away from the boards now, Buck’s hand around his not needed anymore, but Buck held on anyway. As they circled the ice, Buck explained the principles of skating, dipping into lecturing territory a couple times, despite his best efforts to be brief.

“So because of all that, I can do this.”

He performed a quick turn, nothing fancy, but enough so he could skate backwards in front of Eddie.

“Show off,” Eddie grumbled, wobbling a bit and fumbling for Buck’s arm.

“Yep.” Buck smirked.

“You—oof!”

Eddie’s eyes went wide a moment before he pitched forward. Arms flailing, he landed on Buck’s chest, and they both went down in a tangle of limbs. Buck’s ass stung as he thumped the ice, but luckily he didn’t hit his head. He lay on the ice, Eddie sprawled on top of him, winded and a little dazed.

“You okay?” Eddie cupped the back of Buck’s head, probing gently for wounds.

“Think so.” He was having some trouble breathing, but it had nothing to do with their fall. “Are you all right?”

“I smacked my hand on the ice, but it’s okay.” He lifted it between them, and Buck fought the insane urge to kiss the reddening mark on his palm.

“Mister? Mama said I have to say sorry for running into you.”

Buck tore his gaze away from Eddie’s and over to the little girl hovering over them. She was cute, with her blonde hair in pigtails, fuzzy pink earmuffs, and a pair of fairy wings.

“That’s okay,” Eddie said, elbowing Buck in the side while sitting up. “Accidents happen.”

“Skating is hard.” She stuck out her bottom lip.

“It is,” Buck told her. “But you’ll get better with practice. It’s okay to fall.”

“Thanks, Mister.” She smiled shyly, then shakily glided off when her mom guided her off with a hand on her shoulder.

“We should probably get up,” Buck said. “My ass is going numb from the ice.” And it felt too good having Eddie’s hip pressed to his.

They sorted themselves out with some difficulty, then circled the ice one more time before Eddie complained that his legs were tired. They turned in their skates and sat by the fire with hot chocolate and soft pretzels. It felt weird to have regular shoes on again, and Buck wiggled his toes, inhaling the richness of the hot chocolate.

“Can we stop doing stuff that requires us to freeze and/or get wet?”

Buck grinned, tearing off a piece of pretzel. “We’ll see.”

“Ugh, what else do you have planned?” Eddie groaned.

“I’m not gonna tell you, no matter how many times you ask.”

“I hate you.”

Buck’s cheeks hurt from his widening grin. “No, you don’t.”

@@@

“I got you something.”

Eddie glanced up from his half-eaten peanut butter toast as Buck slid a wrapped package onto his lap.

“But it’s not Christmas yet.” He shoved half a piece of toast in his mouth and put the plate on the coffee table, wiping his hands on his pants.

“I know, but you’ll need them for today.”

He’d moved this day up on the list after yesterday. They were both a bit sore from skating and falling. They could use a relaxing day.

“Pajamas?” Eddie looked at him like he’d finally lost it.

“Yep.”

He pulled out the red and white striped pants and red shirt, rolling his eyes as he unfolded it. “Grinch pajamas?”

“It seemed fitting.” Though he was maybe becoming less of a Grinch. Sometimes.

“Ha ha.”

“We’re doing a Christmas movie marathon so we have to be comfy.”

“Oh!”

He knew staying in would appeal to Eddie.

“Go get changed and bring your comforter and all your pillows.”

Buck went to his own room to change and dragged the pillows and blankets off the bed. He dumped them on the living room floor and grinned at Eddie, looking awkward and self-conscious in his pajamas until he noticed Buck in a matching pair, except Buck’s had Cindy Lou Who on the front.

“Help me move the coffee table,” Buck said after Eddie dropped his own pile of bedding.

With that out of the way, they made a nest in front of the couch with every blanket and pillow in the apartment. Eddie wrapped the comforter around his shoulders, but for once Buck didn’t panic, wondering what was wrong this time.

“This is better than my own bed,” Eddie said, snuggling down with Buck's old quilt over his legs.

High praise, considering how much Eddie loved his bed.

Grabbing the remote, Buck settled next to Eddie and stole part of the quilt for himself. Eddie grumbled at him, but Buck just smiled and turned on the TV. They watched the Grinch first, of course. Eddie's huff of annoyance quickly melted into a smile, however, because no one can watch the Grinch and have a bad time.

Eddie chose the next movie, _A Charlie Brown Christmas_ , and they went back and forth like that for the rest of the morning and into the afternoon, only stopping briefly for a late lunch. They heated up leftover Chinese, which they ate out of the container, sitting close to share the same carton. After, Buck poured them egg nog into snowflake mugs and flipped off all the lights except on the tree.

“Gotta set the right mood for this one,” he told Eddie, fluffing the pillow behind him and arranging the blankets.

“ _While You Were Sleeping_?” Eddie laughed softly, shaking his head.

“Yes. Shh.”

“You’re a dork.”

It was said with such affection that Buck's breath hitched. He stared fixedly at the TV and gulped his egg nog to sooth the sudden burn in his throat.

Later, they started putting rum in their egg nog. _It’s a Wonderful Life_ played in the background, but neither of them paid attention.

“You are bullshitting me,” Eddie argued, waving his arm and nearly sloshing egg nog into their laps.

“I’m not!” Steadying Eddie’s hand, he brought it closer and slurped half of it before Eddie yanked the mug away with an irritated “hey!” that he drew into three long syllables.

“Bullshitting me.” He glared and tucked the mug against his chest.

“No! Sunglasses are from the 12th century! China had all kinds of amazing shit!”

“Well, okay, but sunglasses?”

“Yeah, they were made with smoky quartz, and judges wore them to hide their emotions in front of witnesses.”

“You need those.”

“Hmm?” he replied absently, Jimmy Stewart snagging his attention.

“Sunglasses. To mask your emotions.”

“I do?”

“Your eyes speak loudly. I mean—” He scrunched his nose. “You know what I mean.”

“Okay?”

“Can always tell when you’re mad ‘cause of your eyes.”

“Oh. That’s just the eyeliner.”

“Nuh-uh.” Eddie poked at his face, and Buck fended him off, catching his wrists in a gentle grip.

Buck raked his gaze over Eddie. It was dark in the room, with only the light from the TV and tree creating colorful shadows on his face. Maybe it was the rum or that he _could_ hide in the dark, but Buck didn’t worry about Eddie seeing.

“You’d look good in eyeliner. You should let me put some on you,” Buck said.

Eddie snorted. “I don’t think so.”

Eddie went to scratch his chest, and Buck belatedly noticed his fingers were still wrapped around his wrist. Brushing a thumb over Eddie’s knuckles, a _brilliant_ idea popped into his head.

“Nail polish!” When Eddie winced and backed away, he realized he’d shouted that. “Sorry. But let me paint your nails. Please?”

To his surprise, Eddie nodded and said, “Sure.”

“Really? Awesome! Stay there!”

Jumping up, he caught his foot on a blanket and hopped around until Eddie yanked it off for him. He ran to the bathroom and snagged two bottles of polish out of the bin under the sink, then settled back by Eddie. Shaking the bottle, he picked up Eddie’s hand and placed it on his bent knee. He leaned close in order to see, silently cursing for not thinking to turn on a light.

“Glitter, Buck? Really?”

“Of course! It’s Christmas!”

Eddie rolled his eyes. Buck didn’t need to see him to know that.

He alternated red and green sparkle on Eddie’s nails, going slow because his eyesight was a bit rum-wobbly. He blew on the polish, remembering a beat late that it was quick-dry and unnecessary. Eddie’s fingers twitched in his grip.

“Gimme your other one.”

“Ya know,” Eddie said as Buck worked on his other hand, “it doesn’t look too bad.”

Buck snorted. “Glitter suits you. You need more sparkle in your life.”

“You sparkle enough for me.”

He couldn’t quite parse that and concentrated on not spilling nail polish everywhere instead. He could hear Eddie’s breathing, a little fast, and every time he glanced up, Eddie was staring at him intently. It was too much. When he finished, he sat back with a relieved sigh, grateful for the space between them.

“What movie do you want next?” Eddie asked.

Buck noticed him admiring his nails and turned away to hide a smile.

“Movie?” Eddie prompted, nudging his leg.

“Hmm? Oh.” When had _It’s a Wonderful Life_ ended? He checked the time. Almost midnight. They probably wouldn’t make it through another movie, but he queued up Frosty anyway. 

He woke up sometime later with a parched throat and Eddie clinging to him, head on Buck’s chest, tucked up under his chin. He didn’t want to move, but he desperately needed a drink and the bathroom. Holding his breath, he slithered out from under Eddie. He snuffled, and Buck froze until he settled again. Once free, he slowly eased Eddie into a position that wouldn’t leave him with a sore neck in the morning, then fixed the blankets. Eddie rolled to his stomach, star fishing now that Buck wasn’t beside him. Buck watched for a minute until his bladder screamed at him. He shuffled to the bathroom and then crawled onto the bare bed, passing out quickly despite the lack of blankets.

@@@

Sunlight stabbed into his eyes. Buck groaned and attempted to bury his head under the pillow, except his pillow was still in the living room. His head throbbed like a motherfucker and his mouth tasted like a furry woodland creature crawled in there during the night and promptly died.

“Oh, god. Kill me now.”

Eventually, he dragged himself out of bed and down the hall to the kitchen in search of coffee.

“Wow, I can’t believe I got up before you,” Eddie said from his spot on the couch. He’d folded and stacked all the blankets and moved the coffee table back into place.

Buck grunted and inhaled coffee, hoping it would help him feel human again.

“You look like shit.”

“Feel like shit. Don’t you have a hangover?”

“Yeah, but I don’t feel as bad as you seem to. You want me to make you something to eat?”

Buck’s stomach churned at the mention of food. “Thanks, but I think I’ll go back to bed.”

Finishing his coffee, he stopped at the bathroom for Advil, then face planted on the bed. He awoke an hour later, covered with a blanket and feeling marginally better. He didn’t have the energy to get up just yet, so he texted Josh and talked to Maddie for half an hour. She was having a great time with Chim’s family, like he knew she would.

He swallowed three more Advil, then collapsed against Eddie on the couch, laying his head on Eddie’s shoulder.

“Feeling better?” Eddie asked, massaging Buck’s neck and up to the base of his skull.

“Nngh.”

He laughed softly and ran his hand into Buck’s hair, digging his fingers in. “So I take it we’re skipping whatever’s on the list for today?”

“Nah. It’s a nighttime thing. I should be all right by then. That feels amazing.”

He dozed a bit, lulled to sleep by Eddie’s magic fingers and the drone of the TV.

Eddie fixed them grilled cheese and tomato soup for supper, surprising Buck because he had no idea there was soup in the apartment and because Eddie managed to cook something edible.

“So, what are we doing tonight?” Eddie asked, stacking the dishes in the sink. “What’s next on the list?”

“Hold that thought!” Buck dragged himself to his feet and hurried to his bedroom.

“What are you doing?”

He barely heard Eddie’s shout from where he was buried in the closet, searching for the bag he’d chucked in there a week or so ago.

Back in the living room, he leaned on the arm of the couch and grinned at Eddie. “We’re going caroling.”

“Buck.” He sighed. “Okay.”

Well, that was less of a protest than he expected. He’d take it.

“We’ll only go for, like, half an hour.” Because he still didn’t feel the best and because he knew Eddie wouldn’t want to do more.

“Are we going far?”

“Nah, just around here. You’ll need this.”

“A Santa hat?”

“A _light up_ Santa hat!”

“Oh, of course.” His tone was dry, but he immediately flicked on the LED ball and watched it change colors, then put the hat on.

They bundled up and headed downstairs. There was a cluster of four buildings in Buck’s apartment complex, and they stuck to those. Some people waved from their windows. Some yelled at them to shut the hell up. An older couple leaving the building stopped to listen for a while. One teenager shouted “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” But most people ignored them.

Buck wasn’t the best singer, but he sang with gusto. Eddie mostly sang under his breath, too quiet for Buck to hear, until they moved on to the second building and Buck elbowed him.

“You’re supposed to be singing. Don’t make me pout at you.”

“We wouldn’t want that.”

“Eddie,” he whined, tugging on the end of his hat.

“You’re annoyingly cheerful, you know that?”

“Yep.”

Buck started the next song and stared Eddie down until he sang, then promptly lost his shit, because Eddie could _sing_. Not just passably in tune like Buck debatably was, but really sing.

_Holy fuck_. Eddie’s voice was beautiful. Angelic. Swoon-worthy.

Buck forgot the words to _Silent Night_ —his favorite Christmas carol—too caught up in listening to Eddie.

“How did I not know you could sing like that?” he asked after stumbling through the rest of the song.

“Uh.” Eddie shrugged, scratching the back of his neck. “It’s not a big deal.”

“You’re amazing.”

“Sure.”

“Let me compliment you!” He wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist and and rocked him back and forth, delighting in Eddie’s startled laughter.

“Okay, okay. Stop rattling me about. You’re making me dizzy.”

Letting him go, he stepped back, then straightened Eddie’s hat. He had really soft hair. “You could be a professional.”

“I wouldn’t go that far. I was in choir in middle school, but Chad Sinclair used to steal all the solos. The choir director was his aunt.”

Buck gasped dramatically, hand over his heart. “The bastard!”

“Shut up. Are we caroling or not?”

“Yep. We’ll just hit the last building and go inside. I still feel hungover and need some cocoa.”

“I didn’t want to say anything, but you do look a bit pale and awful.”

“You’re a real charmer, Eddie Diaz.”

Eddie grinned at him, and Buck had to look away before the joy—and tenderness?—in Eddie’s warm brown eyes caused him to do something stupid.

@@@

Buck stuck the bag of marshmallows between his teeth and scooped up the camp chair, carefully balancing the stuff in his other arm, waiting for Eddie to open the door.

“We could’ve carried all this downstairs in more than one trip,” Eddie said. He was similarly laden down but had one hand free.

“What’s the fun in that?” At least he tried to say that, but it came out muffled due to the marshmallows.

Eddie rolled his eyes and headed down the stairs in front of Buck.

They walked close to the woods and dumped their stuff. Eddie set up the camp chairs and s’mores ingredients while Buck gathered supplies for the fire. He’d googled _how to build a safe fire_ earlier because the last thing they needed was to spark a giant fire while making s’mores on their—probably illegal—campfire.

It took a couple tries to light the thing, but soon they had a decent-sized blaze going.

“Okay, this isn’t so bad.” Eddie stretched his legs out toward the fire and closed his eyes, resting his hands on his belly.

“Ringing endorsement,” Buck joked, opening the graham crackers.

“If you have to drag me outside—again—at least it’s warm.”

Right. Like he hadn’t said “we’re making s’mores,” and Eddie hadn’t jumped off the couch yelling “I’ll make hot chocolate!”

“You gonna help or watch me do all the work?” Buck asked. He leaned sideways to grab the Hershey’s bar and nearly landed on his face. Apparently he’d gotten the chair with the bum leg, a casualty of the week they spent camping at Lake Michigan last summer. Snorting, Eddie braced Buck’s shoulder so he could fix the leg. “Thanks.”

“Hand me the marshmallows. I’ll start toasting them.”

He passed them over, then got his phone out to turn on Christmas music, soft and instrumental this time, which seemed to fit the hushed mood of the night, fire crackling in the background. Eddie shook his head, but a smile was tucked into the corner of his mouth.

The first couple s’mores were a disaster, super melty and unbearably hot, but the next couple went much better.

“This is delicious,” Buck said, licking his fingers.

Eddie didn’t answer, too busy stuffing another s’more in his mouth. He poked his tongue out to swipe chocolate off his lip, and Buck looked away, flushing all over, hoping Eddie attributed the redness in his cheeks to the heat from the fire.

“This was your best idea,” Eddie said, slouching low in the chair and resting his head on the back, eyes closed.

“Because food’s involved?” The wind kicked up, causing the flames to dance. He stared until they calmed. Sighing in relief, he scooted closer to Eddie. The temperature was starting to drop, and Eddie blocked the wind nicely.

“Yep.” He shrugged and settled deeper into the chair.

“How did I not know you’re ruled by food?”

“There’s lots of things you don’t know about me.”

_Like what?_ he wanted to ask but stayed quiet, not wishing to ruin the mood.

Mirroring Eddie’s position, he sank low in the chair and knocked his shoe against Eddie’s. Eddie pressed back, leaving his foot there for a beat too long. Buck swallowed. Eddie was beautiful tonight, with the golden firelight reflecting on his skin, a soft and content expression on his face. After spending over a week with Eddie always _there_ , it was getting harder for him to pretend he didn’t notice these things.

“The sky is clear tonight,” he said in an attempt to distract himself. “You can really see the stars. Sirius is especially bright.”

“Which one is Sirius?”

“See that tall pine tree? Just follow that up. You’ll find Sirius, and right by that is Orion. That one’s easy because of the three stars that make up Orion’s Belt. And over there is the Draco constellation. The Dragon. It’s one of my favorites, mostly because of the name.”

“I’ve got Sirius, but only because it’s super bright and super obvious. The rest? Not so much.”

He butted his chair right next to Eddie's and took his hand, using it alongside his own to point out each constellation.

“Sirius, which leads you to Orion. Draco and Ursa, Major and Minor. There are others, but they’re harder to see without a telescope.”

“Way cool,” Eddie said, breath fanning over Buck’s cheek.

_I could kiss you._

Buck shivered and sat back, away from the temptation Eddie posed.

He cleared his throat, gripping the chair arms tightly. “Space is awesome. There’s just _so much_ of it. No one will ever explore all of it.”

“How do you know so much about the stars?”

“I was obsessed with space when I was ten. Maddie used to take me to the planetarium pretty much every weekend. I read every book at the library, watched so many documentaries.”

“Did you want to be an astronaut?”

“I wanted to be Carl Sagan.” He laughed, remembering what a space nerd he was.

“What happened to that dream?”

“I discovered soccer, and that became my life for the next few years.”

“You ever think about being a reference librarian? You’d be surrounded by books and you could spout facts all day.”

“I did last year, yeah. But I was already so far into my bio major. I didn’t want to start over. And now I only have a semester left.”

“I get that.”

“Maybe I’ll go back someday.”

“What are you gonna do after graduation?”

“I have no fucking idea.”

“Me either.”

They looked at each other and cracked up. It was the first full-out laugh he’d heard from Eddie in a couple weeks. It warmed him more than the fire did.

@@@

Buck set the vanilla on the counter, then checked the recipe to make sure he’d collected all the ingredients. He called Maddie earlier for their grandma’s recipe and ended up talking her ear off for 20 minutes about Eddie and what they’d been doing. He might’ve thought she’d fallen asleep, except for her occasional encouraging noises. He apologized for monopolizing the conversation and listened while she gushed about Chimney and his family. He loved seeing her so happy.

“Hey,” Eddie said, slumping into a chair at the table. His hair was damp from his shower, but he still looked half-asleep.

“Morning!”

“Mm.”

“You okay?” He gripped the counter so he wouldn’t brush the curling hair out of Eddie’s face.

“Yeah. Just didn’t sleep well last night.” He plowed ahead, forestalling Buck’s obvious question. “What’s going on? Are you rearranging the pantry?”

Buck sighed internally and decided to drop it. “No, we’re gonna make cookies.”

“Cookies?” Eddie’s eyes lit up in a big smile, his tiredness disappearing. “Now you’re talking. What kind are we making?”

“Sugar cookies. I have frosting and sprinkles for those. And then peppermint drops.”

“Peppermint drops?”

“Yeah, it’s the same dough as the sugar cookies, except you use peppermint extract instead of lemon, and then drop spoonfuls on the cookie sheet.” He used to make them with his grandma every year until he got to the age where it’s not cool to hang with your grandma anymore. A couple years later, shit went down with his parents, and he never saw her again.

“Awesome.”

“You want breakfast first?”

“Nah.” He grinned. “I’ll be eating cookie dough anyway. I know it’s bad for you, but I still do it.”

“Yeah, me too.” He grabbed the aprons he’d bought off the counter and handed one to Eddie. “Here. Put this on.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow but took the apron, lifting it over his head and tying it loosely in the back. “I almost expected the Grinch again.” Gingerbread cookies marched across the top of the green apron, _let’s get baked_ in red on the bottom.

“You fooled me for a while, but I’m onto you now. You act all grumpy, but you secretly love Christmas.”

“Mm-hm. You got me,” he said dryly. He clapped his hands. “Let’s make some cookies!”

Buck rolled his eyes as he slipped on his own apron—off-white with a reindeer jumping over a Christmas tree with random gold swirls. It reminded him of a sweater Maddie used to wear every Christmas growing up.

“Okay, so it’s been awhile since I’ve done this. It might be a disaster,” Buck said, reading the recipe to determine what they needed to do first.

“We used to help Mom every year. Well, Sofia mostly ate the dough, and I was too little to be much help, so it was mainly Adriana.” A cloud passed through his eyes, but he shook it off. “What’s first, chef Buck?”

They got off to a rough start. Buck forgot to lock the beaters into the mixer, and butter flew everywhere, including up his nose. It stung like crazy, but Eddie’s uncontrollable giggles made him feel light and floaty, like champagne bubbles were exploding in his stomach.

Buck blew his nose while Eddie cleaned up the butter, little pops of laughter escaping him every time he looked at Buck.

“Shut up,” Buck grumbled, dumping a new stick of butter into the bowl.

“I’m sorry. It’s just—” He stopped, exhaling and attempting to control his laughter. “Your face.” He widened his eyes in an exaggerated expression of surprise. “Wish I could’ve gotten a picture.”

He couldn’t help smiling at Eddie’s obvious joy, even if it was at his own expense. Seeing Eddie’s eyes crinkled in an adorable, dimply smile was worth burning nostrils.

Double-checking the beaters, he turned on the mixer. It went smoother this time. Eddie carefully measured the ingredients, nose scrunched in concentration as he read the recipe, and handed them to Buck to add to the bowl. The dough smelled amazing, especially when the vanilla and lemon extract went in.

Eddie dipped his fingers into the bowl as soon as the mixer whirred to a stop and stole a ball of dough.

“How is it?” Buck asked, waiting for Eddie’s answer before tasting it himself.

“It’s great,” he said, reaching for the bowl again.

Eddie was right. It was damn good dough.

“Okay, one more bite and then we’ll chill this dough while we make the peppermint drops.”

The peppermint drops went must faster and easier. They lined up spoonfuls on the cookie sheets and in between baking batches, they rolled out the other dough. Through some trial and error, they figured out the tree and ornament cookie cutters worked best. Eddie ate the ones they messed up, of course.

“This isn’t enough for a full cookie,” Buck said, rolling the leftover dough into a ball. “Wanna split it?”

“Sure.”

He pinched it in two and popped his half in his mouth, waiting for Eddie to slide the tray into the oven. He held out the dough for Eddie, and he took it with happy sound.

“Can’t let it go to waste,” he told Buck with a grin that revealed his dimples and caused Buck to momentarily forget how to breathe.

Reaching out, Buck traced over Eddie’s bottom lip, needing to feel that sunshine smile. He didn’t realize what he’d done until Eddie went completely still, though his eyes blazed with an intensity he’d never seen from Eddie before. Buck swallowed, caught in that heated gaze. He pulled his hand away, but Eddie wrapped a hand around his wrist, holding him in place. Eyes on Buck’s, he licked Buck’s thumb, a slow caress of his tongue. Buck’s knees turned to liquid, and he whimpered, confusion rocking through him.

“Eddie?”

Eddie surged forward, and Buck met him halfway in an off-center kiss. Eddie pulled back, thumb under Buck’s jaw to adjust the angle, and oh. _Oh_. He tasted sweet, sugary like the cookie dough, and felt amazing, a million times better than Buck imagined when he let himself think of this. Eddie inhaled sharply when Buck skimmed his lips down his throat. Burying his nose in the spot behind his ear, Buck just breathed for a second. Eddie smelled like Buck’s soap and shampoo, and that tightened his stomach, his heart thumping.

“Buck,” Eddie murmured, voice wrecked.

Heat flashed through Buck, and their mouths crashed together in a kiss far hungrier and messier than earlier. It took his breath and scrambled his brain, leaving him dazed as they broke apart.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” Buck combed the hair off Eddie’s face and kissed a spot above his eyebrow.

“Why didn’t you?”

“I thought you were straight for a year and a half! And I try not to mess around with straight guys. Well, most of the time anyway.”

The less said about that, the better.

Eddie smiled, laughing softly. He caressed Buck’s cheek. “I love you.”

“You do?”

“I really do. You’re beautiful, inside and out.”

“Oh,” he said lamely. “I love you too. So much.”

Eddie kissed him, pressing close. Buck made a happy noise that would embarrass him in front of anyone besides Eddie and wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist. This kiss was even better, sending tingles zooming through him. Eddie’s lips were soft and perfect, and Buck couldn’t get enough. He backed Eddie against the fridge and kissed down his throat, then slowly worked his way back to his mouth, sucking a spot on the underside of his jaw. Groaning, Eddie nudged Buck’s head up and into a kiss, licking at his bottom lip until Buck opened for him.

And then the oven timer went off, its little melody jolting him away from Eddie. Eddie’s head thumped against the fridge.

“Ow,” Eddie grunted with an adorable pout that Buck just wanted to kiss away.

“You okay?” He sank his fingers into Eddie’s hair, rubbing gently.

“I’m fine. But a kiss will make it better.”

“Dork.” Buck rolled his eyes but obliged, because how could he not?

“You love it.”

“I do.” He grinned, bubbling over with so many _good_ emotions he felt dizzy. “Oh, fuck! The cookies!”

“Potholder!” Eddie exclaimed before Buck could take the cookie sheet out of the oven barehanded like an idiot.

Jesus, Eddie had him distracted.

Luckily the cookies weren’t burned too badly. They were still inedible, but they hadn’t caught fire so that was a plus.

“That was the last batch,” he said, turning off the oven. “We still have to decorate the others, though. They should be cool enough by now.”

“Mm, that can wait until later, right?”

“I suppose. What do you have in mind?” Buck asked, but based on the heated, predatory look in Eddie’s eyes, he had a pretty good idea.

He tugged on the knot on the front of Buck’s apron, bringing them flush together. “I’ll think of something,” he said, lips catching on Buck’s with each word.

Buck smiled into their kiss, snaking his arms around Eddie’s waist.

@@@

“We have to get up,” Buck said.

“No.” His arms tightened around Buck, lips skimming his temple.

“But I have plans for us.” He attempted to sit up, but Eddie pulled him back down.

“Rather stay here.”

Well, honestly, Buck would too. They’d lingered in bed this morning, Buck scrolling through Instagram while Eddie slept, until he got impatient and woke him up with kisses. They spent most of the day lounging on the couch, wrapped up in blankets and each other, ignoring whatever was on the TV.

“We still have to tick off today’s activity.” He’d already pushed it back ’til late, not wanting to leave their cozy bubble, but they’d have to leave soon so they weren’t walking the streets at midnight.

“Can’t we skip it?”

“What? No! It’s on the list, and the list is sacred!”

Eddie laughed, a low rumble that Buck felt more than heard. Buck sat up and straddled Eddie’s thighs, resting his forearms on Eddie’s shoulders.

“Please, Eddie? This is one of my favorites on the list.” Well, it was all his favorite, but he loved all things Christmas.

“You don’t have to go so hard. You know I’m going to say yes.”

“I know you’re not as grumpy as you pretend to be.” He pressed his mouth to Eddie’s throat and smiled as Eddie shuddered.

“Hmm.” He angled his head, hands skimming up Buck’s thighs. “All right, what are we doing?”

“We, uh, have to go outside,” he admitted sheepishly, ducking his head.

Eddie groaned. “I swear you like torturing me. We could stay here, inside where it’s warm, but you insist on dragging me outside at every opportunity.”

“I don’t drag you.” Eddie arched an eyebrow, and Buck pressed a kiss there, snuggling close and whining until Eddie hugged him. “It’s not my fault winter activities often include going out in the cold.”

“We could’ve made cookies every day. I’d be okay with that.”

Buck snorted. “You’d be in a sugar coma.”

“I’m not seeing a downside,” Eddie said, jumping and yelping when Buck poked him in the side. “Okay, okay!” He wiggled away from Buck’s fingers. “Let’s go before I change my mind.”

Buck kissed his nose and bounced to his feet, pulling Eddie up with him. “You’ll love this, I promise.”

Since it was so late, silence blanketed the streets. Buck would prefer to hold hands, but it was difficult with their thick gloves so he linked his arm through Eddie’s instead. Eddie provided a nice buffer from the wind this way as well.

“Where are you taking me?” Eddie asked as they got farther away from campus and entered one of the wealthier neighborhoods.

“You’ll see. It’ll be worth it, trust me.”

“I do. You—”

“Oh, hey! It’s snowing!” He ignored Eddie’s groan of annoyance and threw his head back, sticking his tongue out to catch snowflakes. They were big and fluffy, which meant only a dusting of snow. He turned to Eddie with a grin and found Eddie staring at him with an odd look, part fond and part exasperated, with love shining through, though he still couldn’t quite believe Eddie loved him. “What?”

“Nothing.”

He pulled Buck to a stop and kissed him. The chill of the snow on his tongue immediately melted from the heat of Eddie’s mouth. He got lost in it, in the soft fleece of Eddie’s glove on his cheek and the soft swishing noise their coats made moving against each other, until a car drove past, bursting their private bubble and reminding Buck where they were standing.

“Come on,” he said, exhaling and stepping back. “We’re not far.”

“You sure you know where you’re going?”

“Positive.” He’d Waze’d it earlier, just in case, but he knew this neighborhood peripherally through a friend of a friend.

They walked another block, following the road as it curved to the left, and Buck stumbled as Eddie stopped suddenly.

“Buck. Wow.” He still had hold of Buck’s arm but barely, his mouth open in wonder.

“I know.”

The road ended in a dead-end, and every house blazed with light. It must be a dozen houses, all with a different theme. He nudged Eddie, and they wandered down one side of the street and up the other, pausing to gape at every light display. Some had animatronic reindeer or snowmen, and several had the inflatables that Buck found extremely obnoxious. The lights of one house flashed in beat to the Christmas music coming from speakers situated at the end of the driveway. It was all a little overwhelming, honestly, but Buck loved it.

“I would hate to be the one neighbor not into it or Jewish or something,” Eddie said, watching a child-sized train loop around Santa’s village.

“Me too.”

Eddie snorted, leaning his head back to smirk at Buck. “No danger of that. You’d be the one organizing the whole thing and helping everyone nail a million lights to their roofs.”

Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist from behind and hooked his chin over his shoulder. “You know me so well.” He kissed Eddie’s cheek, then tucked his face against Eddie’s neck.

“How’d you know about this?”

“My o-chem professor’s daughter lives close to here somewhere. She incorporated it into one of our lessons. So, worth freezing your delicate Texas bones again?”

“Yeah. It’s beautiful. And so are you.”

Buck’s cheeks flamed. “Why are you trying to butter me up?” he asked to cover his embarrassment.

“Just telling the truth.” Rubbing a thumb over Buck’s knuckles, he pressed his shoulders back against Buck’s chest, shifting as close as their puffy coats would allow. “And maybe I’m hoping you’ll make me a snack when we get home.”

Buck laughed, rocking back on his heels. “That’s gonna cost you more than a few pretty words.”

Eddie turned, winding his arms around Buck’s neck, fingers playing with the short hairs sticking out of the bottom of his hat. “Would you accept a hearty pat on the back as payment?”

Buck shook his head, biting his lip to keep from smiling like an idiot.

“Hmm.” Grazing his lips along Buck’s jaw, he sent shivers racing down Buck’s spine. “How about an overly enthusiastic thank you?”

“Sold. Come on, let’s head home before you starve.”

@@@

Since they never got around to decorating the cookies yesterday or the day before, Buck whipped up some frosting and pulled out the sprinkles.

“Oops, this one broke. Guess I’ll have to eat it.” Eddie grinned and popped the cookie piece into his mouth.

Buck rolled his eyes. That was the third “broken” cookie so far. “Don’t eat too many. I’ll be making dinner soon.”

“Trust me. I’ll still have room.”

Bucked favored lots of frosting, while Eddie loaded each cookie with sprinkles. They rained down with every bite. Eddie cupped his hand under the cookie, then licked the fallen sprinkles off his palm. It was kinda disgusting, but Buck was somehow still turned on. Eddie’s tongue was the ultimate distraction. 

“You’re staring,” Eddie said, sounding amused.

“I can’t help it.”

Eddie grinned and pulled him into a kiss and another and another, until Buck’s lips felt swollen.

Resting his forehead on Eddie’s shoulder, Buck sighed. “I should start dinner.”

“Do you want help?” He scrubbed his fingers through Buck’s hair.

“Um, sure.” He sat up and away from Eddie, otherwise dinner would never get done. “You can peel and chop the potatoes. Thanks.”

While Eddie dealt with the potatoes, Buck mixed the glaze for the ham—maple, brown sugar, and rosemary—singing softly to the Christmas music on his phone. Only a couple more days and Christmas would be over. Josh would come home. Eddie would go back to his studio, and the happy, private bubble they’d been living in would pop.

“You okay?”

“What?” Buck blinked, his eyes refocusing on the bowl he held. “I’m fine.”

“You didn’t shout-sing the _five golden rings_ part, so I wanted to make sure.”

Oh. He didn’t realize _12 Days of Christmas_ was on. _How appropriate._

“I’m fine. My mind just wandered.”

“Okay.” Eddie hugged him from behind and kissed his neck. “Potatoes are on the stove. What do you want me to do next?”

“Chop more veggies? There’s broccoli, carrots, and green beans in the fridge. I’m gonna steam them.”

Once he finished the glaze and put the ham in the oven, he helped Eddie with the veggies. After, they sprawled on the couch, Rudolph on the TV for the tenth time. He loved this.

Eventually he hauled himself off the couch to check everything. He mashed the potatoes and steamed the veggies, so in the zone that Eddie startled him when he rested a palm between Buck’s shoulder blades.

“Hey,” Eddie said, smirking at him.

“Hey.”

“Can you go in your room for, like, 10 minutes?”

“I’ve gotta get the ham out of the oven soon.”

“I’ve got it.” He gripped Buck’s shoulders and steered him down the hall, ignoring Buck’s protests. “Just stay in your room for 10, uh, make that 15 minutes.”

“Okay, but—” Eddie pushed him into the room, then shut the door. Buck blinked. Sitting on the bed, he spent a minute worrying about the ham, then shook himself and pulled out his phone. It lit up with a bunch of texts, mostly from Maddie, that escalated into her yelling at him for not answering her, and a few from Josh, the last of which was nothing but a series of question marks.

He replied to Maddie first, apologizing for not responding sooner, and sent Josh a selfie of him kissing Eddie’s cheek.

**Buck** : Sorry. Been a bit busy :)

**Josh** : FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Took you two long enough!!!!!!

**Buck** : What???

**Josh** : You’ve been making heart eyes at each other for AGES!!! It’s embarrassing

**Buck** : Oh

He was sending a mind blown GIF when Eddie stuck his head in the door.

“You ready for me?” Buck asked.

“Yep.”

**Buck** : Gotta go. We’re having dinner

**Josh** : Have fun and tell Eddie merry xmas for me!

He followed Eddie down the hall, slipping his arm through Eddie’s. “Josh says to tell you—” He stumbled to a stop in the living room, staring. “Holy shit, Eddie.”

“Do you like it?”

A blanket was spread out close to the tree, Christmas bulbs, garland, and flameless candles dotted throughout, providing light along with the tree. Eddie had plated the food. It was still on Buck’s cheap-ass dishes, but Eddie had arranged things nicely, even adding garnish that Buck didn’t know he had.

“I _love_ it. How did you do all this?”

“I’ve got tricks.”

“It’s perfect. Thank you.” He kissed Eddie’s cheek, then dragged him over to the blanket.

He settled on the floor with the plate on his lap, Eddie close but far enough away that they didn’t bump elbows as they ate.

“This is so good,” Eddie said, rubbing Buck’s ankle.

“It’s nothing,” Buck replied absently, distracted by Eddie licking his fork.

“It’s not nothing. You’ve spoiled me. I can’t go back to eating cereal every day now.”

Buck grinned, leaning over for a quick kiss, but Eddie cradled the back of his head, holding him in place and deepening the kiss.

“I like spoiling you,” Buck said when they pulled apart.

Smiling, Eddie pressed in close again, and it was some time before they returned to their meal.

Buck forgot about a dessert, so they ate cookies and eggnog.

“I can’t believe we’ve eaten almost all of these already,” Buck said, searching through the container for a Christmas tree. Those were his favorites, even though they all tasted the same.

“Should we save some so we can leave cookies and milk out for Santa?” Eddie asked, eyes dancing.

“Well, we’re out of milk, so that’s a no.” He took one of Eddie’s hands, stroking the back with his thumb. It’d only been a couple days, but he felt better when they were touching. “Did you do that as a kid?”

“Nah. Mom had a thing about leaving milk out for too long, and we didn’t do a lot of the traditional American Christmas stuff. What about you?”

“Maybe when I was little? Since Maddie’s so much older, I stopped believing in Santa pretty early. I was four or five and telling all the kids that Santa wasn’t real and they were babies for believing in him.” After parents complained, Maddie’d had to explain why people liked to keep it a secret, and he’d promised to lie from now on. Which prompted another talk about the difference between lying and holding back information and other nuances his tiny brain couldn’t handle, but he stopped babbling the Santa secret to everyone.

“Sofia let it slip to me when I was seven, I think, but I didn’t tell anyone I knew until the next year.”

“Why?”

“Because Santa brought the good gifts. I was convinced I’d get nothing but socks every year if it was all up to my parents.”

He kissed Eddie’s cheek. “Eddie Diaz, the little schemer. That’s adorable.”

“I guess that was the start of me not telling my parents stuff.” He frowned, hunching his shoulders.

“Hey,” Buck said softly. He cupped Eddie’s cheek and brushed a light kiss to his mouth. He really needed to learn not to bring up Eddie’s family, because seeing the light in his eyes dim broke Buck’s heart.

“I’m okay.”

He smiled and snuggled close, head tucked into Buck’s neck. He got his hands under Buck’s sweater and skimmed his fingertips up his spine. Buck shivered and pressed his mouth to Eddie’s temple.

“I’m okay,” Eddie said again, and this time he sounded sure and fond and maybe even content.

@@@

Buck smiled and set his phone down as Eddie kissed the back of his neck. He rolled in Eddie’s arms to face him and buried his face in Eddie’s neck.

“I’m gonna permanently kidnap you so we can wake up every morning like this.”

“I’m not completely opposed to the idea,” Eddie said, running his hands up Buck’s back to his shoulders.

Hmm, maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to convince Eddie to move in with him. He loved having Eddie here, even before the kissing, and he hated the thought of not seeing his grumpy pre-coffee face every day.

He pressed Eddie into the mattress and kissed him until they were breathless.

“Merry Christmas,” Buck said, brushing the hair off Eddie’s forehead, curling it around his fingers.

“Merry Christmas.”

“Presents or breakfast first?”

“Coffee while we open presents and then breakfast.”

Buck grinned. He should’ve known. “Okay.”

He flicked on the coffee maker while Eddie stopped in the bathroom, then plugged in the tree lights. They’d left the blanket on the floor last night, Buck not wanting to pack away all Eddie’s work yet, so they settled there with their coffee.

Eddie hummed happily and stuck his nose in the mug, then rocked forward to kiss Buck. “Thanks for giving me the big mug.”

“Of course.”

He let Eddie finish his coffee before shoving a wrapped package at him. Laughing, Eddie pulled off the bow and stuck it to Buck’s chest and tore into the paper.

“Sheets?” He arched an eyebrow at Buck, turning the bag over to look at the picture on the front.

“ _Fleece_ sheets, since you’re always so damn cold.”

He handed him the other gift, a soft gray fleece blanket to match the wolves on the sheets. Eddie hugged it and rubbed his face on it, and Buck did an internal happy dance.

“Well, this beats you trying to freeze me out all the time.”

“I would never!” Buck said with mock outrage.

“Right.” He cupped Buck’s face and pulled him in for a sweet kiss. “It’s perfect, Buck. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Sitting back, he reached under the tree and slid a giant box to Buck. It was heavy; he couldn’t lift it.

“What’s in here, rocks?”

“Yep. I got you gravel for Christmas.”

“You’re so thoughtful.”

Eddie grinned, nudging Buck’s shin with his foot. “Open it.”

He tore the paper away and ripped open the box. Not rocks. Books. A full set of old Funk and Wagnall’s encyclopedias. He ran a finger along the cracked green and gold spines. His heart squeezed then raced double time.

“When did—how did you—” He waved at the box, unable to form coherent sentences.

“I know they’re old and outdated, but I thought you’d like to see how theories and stuff have changed in the last 40 or so years.”

“It’s—Eddie.”

“It was a dumb idea.”

“It was not. This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten.” And that included the laptop he’d begged Maddie to get him for all of senior year. He’d cried when she gave it to him for graduation.

“Oh. Well.” He dropped his head, cheeks pink.

Buck crawled around the box and into Eddie’s lap. “They’re perfect, and you are amazing.”

“So are you.”

Framing Buck’s hips, he stretched up for a kiss. Buck meant to keep it light and brief in order to get breakfast started, but as always, Eddie drew him in.

Eddie's stomach growled, and Buck laughed against his mouth before pulling away.

“Hungry?” he asked, combing his hands into Eddie’s hair and scratching his scalp.

“Mm, keep doing that. I can wait.”

He pressed his mouth to Eddie’s pulse point, sucking gently, then dissolved into giggles as his stomach growled again.

“Let’s put this on pause until after we eat and then I’m all yours for the rest of the day.” Except when he talked to Maddie but whatever.

He climbed to his feet and pulled Eddie up and into the kitchen. Eddie sat at the table with a fresh cup of coffee and watched Buck whip up waffle mix and fry bacon. He wanted breakfast to be special, but they were running low on groceries again, which meant no fresh fruit to put on the waffles.

“You’re overthinking something,” Eddie said coming to stand in front of Buck.

“Hmm?”

“You have that faraway look and scrunchy forehead.”

“It’s nothing. I’m good.” He smiled, glancing at the stove to check the waffles. “Can you grab plates and forks?”

“Sure.” He smoothed a thumb down Buck’s face and kissed the birthmark by his eye, and Buck sucked in an unsteady breath.

Being with Eddie had him off-kilter in the best way.

@@@

Eddie stole the last piece of bacon off Buck’s plate and sat back with a smirk.

“Hey! Jerk.”

“You love me.”

“I do.” He kissed Eddie’s temple, then carried the dishes to the sink. “What—” He was cut off by a ringing phone.

“That sounds like mine.”

“I’ll get it.”

He followed the sound to the bedroom where they’d left their phones and found Eddie’s on the nightstand just as the ringing stopped. Glancing at the missed call alert as he walked back to the kitchen, he tripped and nearly bumped into the wall when he saw the name displayed there.

“Um, Eddie?”

Eddie frowned at him. “What’s wrong?”

Buck sank back into his chair and passed him the phone. The color drained from Eddie’s face, and he swallowed hard.

“Should I call her back?”

“Do you want to?” He held Eddie’s stiff hand between his own, stroking his thumb over Eddie’’s knuckles.

“I don’t know.” Biting his lip, he dropped his phone onto the table. “What if she—I don’t know.”

“I’m here whatever you decide, okay?”

He nodded, then jerked when his phone started ringing again.

“Is it—”

“Adriana. Yeah.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then brought the phone to his ear. “Hi.”

He sounded tentative and a little scared. Buck scooted his chair closer, pressing his knee against Eddie’s. His eyes were wide, and he wasn’t saying much beyond _okay_ and _I know_. He didn’t seem upset, even after the tears in his eyes spilled over. Buck wished he could hear Adriana’s side of the conversation, but he’d wait for Eddie to tell him.

“All right, yeah. Love you too.” He slowly slid his phone onto the table, still pale except the red around his eyes.

“Eddie? Are you okay?”

He shook his head and crumpled a second before Buck caught him. Gathering him close, he rubbed his back and murmured in his ear, hating that Eddie was sobbing in his arms again.

Eventually, Eddie straightened, using the neck of his t-shirt to wipe his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

He shuddered and nodded.

“Are these happy tears?”

“Mostly. Kinda. Adriana—she apologized and said our parents are dicks, but she’ll always be my big sister. She wants to come see me.”

“That’s good, right?”

“Yeah, it’s just—” He paused, shoulders slumping.

“Overwhelming?”

“Yeah.”

Buck cupped his cheeks, brushing his tears away with his thumbs. “I’m proud of you. This has been horrible for you. I’m so sorry.”

“I wouldn’t have gotten through it without you.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

Eddie gave him a flat look, then turned his head to kiss Buck’s palm. “You were everything. Thank you is not big enough for what I owe you.”

“I just wanted you to be happy.”

“ _You_ make me happy. This was gonna be the worst Christmas, but it turned out to be the best because of you.”

“Even though I kept making you go outside?” Buck grinned, and Eddie laughed.

“It was only good because I was with you.” He leaned in for a kiss but paused just as their lips touched. “But we’re not doing this next year.”

“We’ll make cookies every day, I promise.”

“Maybe some s’mores and a movie marathon too.”

“Deal.”

“Merry Christmas, Buck.”

“Merry Christmas, Eddie.”

Buck closed the gap between them and kissed his smile away.


End file.
